(Humor) KERRY EXPOSES BUSH'S MYSTERY BULGE

Humor From Borowitzreport.com

October 13, 2004
KERRY EXPOSES BUSH'S MYSTERY BULGE

Tears Off President's Jacket on National TV

Democratic presidential nominee John Kerry seized the opportunity of
last night's nationally televised debate in Tempe, Arizona to expose the
source of the "mystery bulge" between President Bush's shoulder blades,
tearing off Mr. Bush's jacket while a stunned nation watched in horror.

Fourteen minutes into the televised showdown, Mr. Kerry ambushed the
president by departing from the debate rules, refusing to answer a
question about outsourcing and instead directly interrogating Mr. Bush about
his mystery bulge.

"What's that bulge in the back of your jacket?" Mr. Kerry demanded.

"What bulge?" Mr. Bush said.

"That bulge, you bastard!" thundered Mr. Kerry, leaping across the
stage and tearing off Mr. Bush's jacket.

But rather than finding the radio receiver many had theorized was being
used to prompt the president during the debates, Mr. Kerry discovered
that the bulge was merely an AM radio which Mr. Bush was using to listen
to the Boston Red Sox-New York Yankees playoff game.

At a focus group in Ohio, likely voters watching the debate were
divided about the revelation that Mr. Bush had been listening to a baseball
game during an all-important presidential debate.

While Kerry supporters said that the president's decision to listen to
the game was typical of his inattention to serious matters, Ralph
Clasuen, a Bush supporter, disagreed: "If I had a choice between listening
to John Kerry for ninety minutes or a baseball game, I'd go for the
game."

Elsewhere, Major League Baseball announced that the third meeting
between the Yankees and the Red Sox on Friday night will focus entirely on
domestic issues, including the economy, education, health care and
taxes.