Monday, July 11, 2005

News of the Week
Richard Valeriani: News of the Week

At the Olympics site vote in Singapore, France was represented by President Chirac, Great Britain by Tony Blair and the United States by Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton. This was the political equivalent of premature ejaculation. Hillary won't be head of government until 2009.

Chirac ridicules Brittish and Finnish food, says Britain's only contribution to the continent is mad cow disease. With Britain and Finland participating in the vote, favored Paris is not selected. Can you say foot-in-mouth disease in French?

New York Times reporter Judy Miller is in jail for refusing to reveal sources for a story she never wrote. Somewhere, Franz Kafka must be smiling.

Karl Rove appears to be the leaker in the case of outed CIA agent Valerie Plame. Reminds me of why I wanted to cover the Pope--so I could one day quote "an infallible source."

Arch conservatives rally to prevent AG Alberto Gonzalez from being named to the Supreme Court. Worried they won't be able to pronounce his name correctly?

At the G-8 Summit, the United States got everybody to agree not to take concrete steps against global warming. President Bush wants no reduction in the hot air emissions coming from his Administration.

Also at the Summit, Bush runs into a policeman while riding a bike. Bush unhurt. Policeman sent to hospital. Sounds like Bush's Iraq policy.

Chrysler is bringing back former company president Lee Iacocca to be a pitchman again, using the same slogan--"If you can find a better car, buy it!" Is this a good idea? Encouraging Chrysler customers to do more of what they obviously are already doing?

Fox anchorman Brit Hume reportedly reacted to the London bombings by thinking about buying stock market futures since the market had tanked. That's why he's on Fox.

ABC cancels reality show where offbeat couples compete to win a house by being judged by their would-be neighbors. The replacement show is rumored to be "Desperate TV Executives."

Roger Federer wins at Wimbledon. I thought you said this was news.