HuffingtonPost.com
Bush's Best Speech Ever Bounces Approval Rating to 94%
Davis Sweet
(Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are not those of George W. Bush, the Bush administration, the Republican party, or affiliates of the aforementioned. Any confusion by the reader is purely unconscionable.)
(Transcript courtesy Imaginary News Network) GEORGE BUSH: My fellow Americans, I speak to you today as a new man. Born again, again, you might say. And I intend to stand up for both my new beliefs and my core beliefs, because now I know that anything less is a betrayal of my sacred duty as a president and as a man.
The first positive action I intend to take is to ask the Congress to abandon every butt-covering bill my staff has inflicted upon them. My administration is shown to have broken the law, and retroactively changing the law is the action of a weak tyrant, not a democratically elected citizen president. My administration will work within the law at all times from this moment on. We will secure necessary warrants for necessary intelligence operations. We will respect our international and simply human obligations by closing down the prison camp at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba and all other extralegal detention operations. Detainees we believe have committed crimes will face criminal charges; all others will be returned to their homes.
In conjunction with this Congressional action, I will ask for committees to be convened to examine and hopefully confirm replacements for my Secretary of State, Secretary of Defense, Secretary of Homeland Security, Attorney General, and Vice President. I will further be replacing my chief of staff, my press secretary, and several officials with less prominent but still influential positions. Though I can assure you they're fine people, these members of my cabinet have been irredeemably corrupted by purely political considerations and are no longer able to function effectively as this country's representatives.
I understand and frequently share your frustration and fears about our struggle in Iraq, but I cannot call for the immediate withdrawal of American troops without dooming the new country to much worse than anyone deserves. The path forward in Iraq, while complicated, ultimately leads in only two directions: order and death. If America continues to police the country, order is not possible.
I will, however, convene a summit within two weeks from today between myself and all the leaders of our friends, allies, and others in the region to arrange for a new military and police force that is not only overwhelming in strength, but also overwhelmingly Arab. Regardless of the outcome of that meeting, the United States will withdraw 25 percent of our troops within 30 days, the entire remaining force being redeployed outside of Iraq within six months from today. If violent extremists want to kidnap, shame, and kill Egyptians, Yemenis, and Saudis, I agree with experts on the region that any remaining insurgency will be quashed in short order.
Later this year, in what I believe will be the culmination of the war on terrorism, I will call for the world's wealthiest nations to join the United States in helping to industrialize and modernize not only the Arab world but also the too-long-neglected continent of Africa. I have come to understand that poverty and hunger are the greatest sponsors of terrorism, and as long as we have the means to combat those evils, we will.
Our citizens are dying and being impoverished by a healthcare system whose goals do not include promoting health. I will ask Congress to present a bill before the upcoming election guaranteeing universal health coverage for all Americans.
I am a man of faith, and I do not believe God would allow us to completely poison the planet with unclean air, water, and food. At the same time I understand that we are making a considerable mess, and we cannot ask God to clean up after us. I am having executive orders drafted that will pledge clean and safe air, water, and food for all Americans, and I will work to extend that pledge around the globe.
In the coming tumultuous weeks and throughout the remainder of my term, I will work to establish the Bush administration as the hallmark of responsible, ambitious action for the good of our nation and our world. Please accept my humble apology for forgetting who I work for.
America is a strong, generous, and good country, and it can no longer afford weak, short-sighted, and deficient leadership.
God bless you, and God bless this great nation. Good night.
(Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are not those of George W. Bush, the Bush administration, the Republican party, or affiliates of the aforementioned. Any confusion by the reader is purely unconscionable.)
(Disclaimer: The opinions expressed here are not those of George W. Bush, the Bush administration, the Republican party, or affiliates of the aforementioned. Any confusion by the reader is purely unconscionable.)