Sunday, May 14, 2006

Laugh Lines: Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien

The New York Times
Laugh Lines
Jay Leno, David Letterman and Conan O'Brien

Jay Leno

The president of Iran wrote a letter to President Bush. Did you know about this? And it seems that's caused some problems. Turns out, it's a chain letter. Now Bush now has to send to 10 other world leaders or there's some kind of curse.

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice dismissed the letter right off. Donald Rumsfeld said he's investigating the letter and the C.I.A. said: "We got a letter from Iran? When?"

FEMA has closed their office in New Orleans. I guess they want to get out of there before hurricane season hits.

I saw something very disturbing coming in to work this morning on the freeway: a van coming from Mexico, 45 people crammed inside it. They weren't illegals — it's just gas is so expensive they were carpooling.

The good news: OPEC lowered its price to just under $70 a barrel. The bad news: that's just for the barrel.

In a commencement speech at University of Oklahoma on Saturday President Bush told the graduates that the job market is the best it's been in years. Well sure, look at all the openings just in his cabinet. Come on down. We're hiring!

David Letterman

Summer is just around the corner. Dick Cheney accidentally hurt a guy in a fishing accident.

The House of Representatives just passed a bill, a $70 billion tax cut on capital gains. This is called the "no millionaire left behind act."

I came into work today feeling good and then I found an 18-page letter on my desk from the president of Iran. Did you know he dots his i's with mushroom clouds?

Conan O'Brien

United Airlines might be leaving the city of Chicago. The good news is that they will be leaving from O'Hare so they will not depart for another six years.