Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Hosting a State of the Union Party: Drinking Games and What to Do While You Suffer through the Speech

Huffington Post
Kathleen Wright

Hosting a State of the Union Party: Drinking Games and What to Do While You Suffer through the Speech

So, if you are going to watch the speech this Tuesday, you might as well make it interesting, or at least less painful. Invite over some friends so you can commiserate together...

What to Serve:

* Bologna sandwiches: sandwiches that are, like the president, full of baloney. On white bread, of course
* Alcohol...you're gonna need it
* Pretzels, to remind us that an even greater evil--Cheney--is just another choke-on-a-pretzel away
* Freedom fries
* Chips and dip. Because who doesn't love chips and dip?
* Order some pizzas and tip the delivery person really well. Consider it doing your part until the minimum wage is (finally!) officially raised. You can also use the pizza to create a pie chart of tax cuts, but make sure you get the portion that represents the breaks for the rich, unless you are on a diet

Phrases to Drink to:

* "As the Iraqis step up, we will step down"
* Any presidential mispronunciations (but only if you have a really good tolerance for alcohol)
* Any time Bush insinuates that you or someone of your ilk is aiding terrorists because you question his authority
* Any time Bush insinuates that you or someone of your ilk is demoralizing our troops and/or putting them in danger because you question his authority
* Mentions of all that we should be doing and will be doing in Darfur (Note: this phrase is for recovering alcoholics only, to ensure that they will not have to drink)

I Spy:

* Republicans currently under indictment
* Republicans soon to be under indictment
* Dems clearly unhappy to be forced to clap for the president
* Bush making an unintentional smirk at a wholly inappropriate moment
* Blank stares
* A foreign policy announcement that is basically another no-bid opportunity for Halliburton and other major GOP donors
* Hillary Clinton deciding whether or not she should clap at phrases related to Iraq (and the pollster next to her letting her know if it is okay to clap)
* An African-American Republican (well, there are a few...)
* A Democrat not running for pres in 2008 (well, there are a few...)

Party Favors:

* Maps of the world so you can identify all the other countries with which the Bush administration would like to go to war
* Darts that you can throw at the map so that you can get a better understanding of the Bush admin's foreign policy decision-making skills
* Flowers: the ones with which we were told we would be greeted with as liberators
* Enough cash to buy a Congressional rep (also known as "your tax cuts at work")
* A cab ride: if you really did drink to any of the sets of phrases listed above, you are not going to want your guests to drive home
* A bathing suit if you live in the North and a pair of snow boots if you live on the West Coast, so that your guests can be better prepared for global warming-related weather changes
* Electricity and potable water if you live in New Orleans and are in one of the many homes still without

And if you start getting really depressed as you watch the speech, just remember that, if my calculations are correct, it is only 725 days until we inaugurate the next president. Party at my house!