Monday, January 29, 2007

Product Alert: A Disastrously Defective Bush

Huffington Post
Davis Sweet
Product Alert: A Disastrously Defective Bush

Dear Consumer,

We understand you have purchased or otherwise received a "George Bush, Commander-in-Chief" model 2.0a ("GB-CIC2.0a" or "Bush"). Recent media reports have brought to our attention several serious flaws in this product, so we are warning all owners to take urgent action to protect themselves and their families.

Potentially dangerous defects may include:

1. Sudden changes in diction, accent, and/or apparent understanding of words, incoming and outgoing. The GB-CIC2.0a speech engine is based on the notoriously virus-prone "Lucidity and Honesty" library from RightWing Technologies. Some malware experts believe that this component was corrupted with the "dRIVAL 'n' 0bfuSKATEion" virus from infamous hacker Karl "Elizabeth" Rove.

2. Inexplicably thin skin. The Bush may become hyper-sensitive to questions, criticism, and/or startling realities, believing them, and everything else, to be personal attacks on him. Observed reactions include name-calling, pouting, and poorly concealed drinking binges.

3. "Fighting" political "battles" with real, live troops. The Bush is unable to distinguish warlike rhetorical metaphors from reality. First observed when the Bush, installed as a cheerleader at a college football game, demanded that the players literally "Kill 'em!" (see "Connecticut v. Yale Defensive Line," 1968)

Suggested course of action:

If your Bush displays any of these traits or behaviors, it is most likely beyond repair. You may be able to uninstall it or render it effectively harmless if you have a working copy of "Congress v.110," though reports indicate a Trojan horse has infected and possibly crippled that program.